HE PERSONALLY WAS INVOLVED FOR SOME SIX PLUS YEARS IN ONE OF LONGEST AND MOST EXPENSIVE CUSTODY CASES. HE WON CUSTODY OF HIS TWO SONS WHO SHORTLY THEREAFTER KIDNAPPED THEM AND HE HAS BEEN UNABLE TO FIND THEM NOTWITHSTANDING EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE EFFORTS NOW FOR 25 YEARS.
READ ABOUT IT IN THE FOLLOWING BLOGS:
http://myabductedchildren.blogspot/ and
http://myabductedsons.blogspot.com/
Marriages can be wonderful and divorces are usually horrific dependent on the husband and/or wife. Divorces are best avoided, especially if there are you have kids.
However, if there is absolutely no chance of saving your marriage and you have to go through with a divorce, then here are a few tips that can help you out:
1. Lawyers are in the profession to earn a living and obviously to make money. There are good lawyers and there are lawyers who are best avoided. The bad ones prefer divorce cases to drag on to kingdom come and if you hire such a lawyer then you’re in for a long haul at a substantial cost. So choose your lawyer carefully ask your friends who have gone through a divorce for a recommendation. If you are unable to find a lawyer this way, then you have no other go but to interview a few lawyers and choose the one you consider the best. This approach is recommended.
2. Get your private and financial records into storage where only you have access to them NOW! Also get a private post box where you can receive private mail.
3. Cancel your credit cards and close all joint accounts you have with your spouse.
4. Change your email address if possible and certainly change your password so that your spouse cant access your private emails.
5. This may sound like a strange and it may be the last thing you want to do but keep some lines of communication open with your spouse. It may that one day your spouse contacts you and says “hey let’s get this over with quickly and get on with our lives… what do you want to settle quickly?” Additionally small problems can quickly escalate to major problems if everything has to go through a lawyer.
6. If you have kids this can be the hardest part of any divorce. Keep in contact with them and make sure that they know they are not to blame. Let them know that you are always there for them. Don’t use them as pawns to vent your anger reserved for your spouse. Using the children as pawns invariably results in substantial emotional damage that can last a lifetime.
7. The easiest thing to do is to get angry and destroy correspondence from your spouse. STOP! This can be your greatest ally in a court of law. Keep all correspondence no matter how trivial it may seem.
8. Be Nice! Don’t start spreading rumors about your spouse or even slander your spouse to your best friend.
Things have a way of getting back to spouses.
If they find out you’ve been saying nasty things and/or spreading lies about each other, even if they are true your spouse will use it against you.
9. Chill! Don’t let your spouse provoke you into being aggressive. If you’re seen to be aggressive you could readily lose your divorce. If your spouse is aggressive towards you stay calm and ignore it.
10. Do you have a support system in your relations and friends? If yes, lean on them for emotional support.
Divorce can be a really horrible affair. There are many experts and much good advice available to you. Use it. Search the internet for advice from people who know what they are talking about. There are several online products that can give you all the advice you need to ensure that you get what you want from the divorce not what your spouse wants to give you.
How Do I Get My ex To Come Back?
The issue at hand is not just a matter of getting your spouse to return. The issue has to begin with why did your spouse leave in the first place? Look inside yourself and examine what role you played in your partner leaving you.
We are emotional creatures. We enjoy being around people who make us feel good when we are around them. Simple things like paying a person a compliment makes them feel good. Laughing at the corny jokes you heard them say before, believe it or not makes them feel good. Those jokes may be corny and repetitive to you, but they can be fresh and funny for someone else.
Secondly, people get together because you have empowered them with importance. We all want to feel needed and wanted in life. Who wants to feel unnecessary? Who wants to be around someone who makes you feel unnecessary? How does a team mate feel when games are won when the other stays home? Then your spouse begins to question- am I really needed? Now if another team that has been losing tries to recruit him, he may feel like it’s a good idea to move on to the next team. Do you understand?
Thirdly, too often we take our mate for granted. Don’t you like to feel special? When you first met, didn’t you receive special treatment? Were not your little whims catered to? Didn’t you feel special because of this treatment? So did your partner.
You cant stop treating your partner as though they are special because there are too many others willing to treat them anyway they desire.
Its amazing what will make us feel special.
All you have to do is the small things that say I thought about you today. That could be a text message that simply says “Im thinking about you right now? When you go to the store in general pickup something only they like for themselves. It is the little things that say,
love you. It is the little things that make the biggest impression on our hearts.
After you determine what you did wrong you must create a plan to get your ex back. You need to know what to say or not say so that you can get in there and repair some damage.
Suppose they won’t even answer your phone call. If you want to get your ex back, it is possible, you may need some guidance. You should watch videos, read books on the subject, speak to a marriage counselor to help you plan the steps needed to get your ex to return. There things that guarantee your lover will return even if they haven’t left physically yet.
Grounds for divorce may be no fault or fault. The Petition for divorce must also be served and delivered to your spouse usually by a process server. Your spouse will have a certain number of days to respond.
There are many issues that will be worked out during the divorce. It depends on your unique situation, but some common themes to be decided are the award of child support, child custody, how property is divided, whether a party is entitled to spousal support and many more issues.
There are two grounds for divorce in Canada, a fault such as adultery and no fault divorce. A no fault divorce just means: “The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation.”
So any reason or no reason at all is grounds for divorce. But, there are times when a party may want to allege fault to try and better position your case. These fault grounds are:
Adultery; Abandonment and/or separation whether intentionally or remained apart for at least one year; Living Separate and apart without cohabitating for minimum of one year; and Mental cruelty that prevents you and your spouse from remaining married.
Marriage failures can be attributed to many causes: compatibility, age, maturity, money, career, character and so on and so forth. Having said that, what it really comes down to are the people themselves.
Noteworthy about this is that people who failed in marriage before tend to fail again in future. So if you are to enter a relationship with someone who falls into this category, you might as well do so with your eyes open by running a Marriage License Search.
Both the license and certificate are entered as marriage records into the respective files of the new spouses. They will then be maintained as public records in the area where the marriage has taken place, whichever is the prevailing practice. Being public records, they will be subject to public retrieval and view as long as procedures are complied with and fees are paid.
Since marriages are under the area jurisdiction, they will be no exception. At a basic level, they include name, age, residence, occupation, birth place, time and place of marriage, some particulars of parents, witnesses and the conducting official of the ceremony. A key point fundamental to the purpose of many a marriage record search is previous marriages, if any, will show up.
It is easy and convenient to conduct search marriage records. Data archive and retrieval are mostly computerized. The search is usually fast and generally hassle-free. Within a very short time we can gather records on marital status, names, places, dates, filing numbers, history, background and so forth. Input requirement is also minimal.
As little as a full name and state of residence will suffice to initiate a search. Having said that, we also know there can be quite a few people with the same name living in the same state. That’s why the more information is input, such as age, date of birth, address and so forth, the more targeted the finding.
Marriage failures can be attributed to many causes: compatibility, age, maturity, money, career, character and so on and so forth. Having said that, what it really comes down to are the people themselves. Noteworthy about this is that people who failed in marriage before tend to fail again in future. So if you are to enter a relationship with someone who falls into this category, you might as well do so with your eyes open by running a Marriage License Search.
When applying for a license to be married, marriage records of both the prospective husband and wife must be produced as proof of their eligibility. When the new wife is seeking a name change, they are required for substantiation.
This is important as the name change itself is often a prerequisite to a further purpose such as immigration, adoption, joint tax returns, insurance, medical and many other benefits.
I believe that divorce is one of the biggest epidemics in our current society that isn't being recognized or treated as such.
Divorce refers to the dissolution or the legal end of a marriage. Every province has its own legal requirements governing when a divorce may be granted. These legal requirements may include a residency requirement, grounds or a reason for the divorce, among others.
The grounds for divorce may vary from being fault-based and no-fault based. All these requirements vary from state to state. Certain exceptions like 'Irreconcilable Differences' and 'Irretrievable Breakdown' are common no-fault grounds for divorce.
Your divorce could be the most important financial decision in life, as well as one of the most nerve wracking.
In such a circumstance, the key person who can see you through this is a divorce lawyer.
The divorce lawyer helps you in making extremely important financial and emotional decisions like child custody, property divisions etc. You must choose a lawyer well versed and specializing in Family Law.
You can look for a good lawyer by asking around, consulting your friends, relatives and acquaintances. A divorce lawyer with references will be more helpful than the one who is completely unknown to you and all people around.
When you first meet the lawyer, give all case facts. The fee quoted by the person will be a rough approximate as the amount of legal work involved is not very clear. Usually, they charge by the hour, and a retainer fee as an advance payment may be desired by the lawyer. You are at liberty to interview a few lawyers before choosing one to represent you in court.
Always tell the whole truth to your lawyer or you might end up in trouble, one way or the other.
To be on the safe side, it's a good idea to enquire from the lawyers the following facts:
. The relevant experience he/she has in Family Law and number of years of practice in this field.
. Steps involved in the divorce process as well as expected time frame and legalities involved.
. Filing fee and the fee that any additional legal assistants employed will ask for.
. Inquire about the Retainer Agreement policy of the lawyer/firm.
A good lawyer will answer all queries, and will try to address any concerns that you may have about legal implications or your case in general.
A good divorce lawyer:
· Will always be prepared for all your hearing
· Will know exactly what your expectation from the case is
· Will not be able to win all hearings.
· May not be able to answer your calls 24/7
Once you and your spouse start the proceedings, do not sign any paper for your partner without express knowledge of your divorce lawyer. Litigations and negotiations are little subjective so ask your lawyer about his/her policy in this matter.
A good divorce lawyer is invaluable to your case, so you should choose one carefully. Also, once your case starts, do not change lawyers unless it is absolutely necessary as this may also harm your case.
In case you are looking to change divorce lawyers, make sure that you get all information from the previous divorce lawyer such as who is the judge, necessary papers etc, so a smooth transition is possible. Once you place your trust in a lawyer, do it completely and assist him/her. After all, it is your own life.
Divorce:
Coping With The Family Law Process
Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side." A divorce will introduce you to an entirely new balancing act.
The Effect on Productivity at Work.
You must be conscious of how the divorce process affects your ability to function on your job. There may be occasions when you will feel overwhelmed by a typical day's workload. On such occasions, you may wish to apportion work in terms of what you can handle.
You may at times find yourself uncharacteristically testy and acerbic to friends and colleagues, uncommunicative, depressed, and distracted. You should try to be alert to these personality and mood changes and work with a counselor to solve them.
At times this may involve temporarily modifying project responsibilities or adjusting assignments until you achieve a level of equanimity. On still other days, you may not be able to cope with the workplace or home environment at all, no matter how light the workload.
When this happens, it may be prudent to request a brief personal leave. If your behavior and interaction cannot be altered through temporary changes, you may need to seek professional counseling during this stressful period.
Keep in mind that while going through a divorce you will face numerous demands on your time: meetings with lawyers, accountants and counselors, possibly locating a new residence (and furnishing it) and establishing new lines of credit.
Plan ahead where possible for these contingencies by asking your employer for projects that do not have a tight deadline. Flexible working arrangements, such as job-sharing, or the opportunity to compensate for lost time by working in the evening or on weekends, are other possibilities.
You should not let others treat you as an emotional cripple. You are probably already experiencing feelings of helplessness and an inability to control your life. By being overprotective and shielding you from the daily realities of the workplace or running interference with fellow employees or clients, the employer may only exacerbate those feelings. Work may be the only place you can achieve a sense of self-worth and personal strength during this difficult period.
Some people winding their way through the divorce process may experience fatalistic or, conversely, unreasonably hopeful feelings, and may rely on divorce process myths that further complicate the situation (for example, a belief that the system is entirely gender biased).
Unfortunately, the legal process is not designed to address emotional issues for the participants. Although there are milestones, such as filing the initial documents, there are no true emotional releases.
Even the finalizing of a divorce is a bittersweet experience and is likely to feel like a letdown.
No one truly wins in a divorce because the estate is always divided and both individuals have fewer assets than prior to the divorce.
Unfortunately, the legal process is often one of attrition. The time and expense of the legal process often dictates the results as one of the parties can no longer afford the resources or the time to continue to dispute issues.
The many difficult aspects of the legal process often cause frustration and result in increased anger and hurt. In combination with the plethora of negative emotions which led to the divorce in the first place, one facing a divorce may turn to revenge as a primary motivation and extend the divorce proceeding to hurt the other spouse. On the other hand, a spouse may prolong the divorce process in the hope that reconciliation might occur.
The Solutions
Mediation may be the best answer. If you and your spouse can still communicate and have some common ground, mediation may be the most economical, efficient, and effective way to resolve the issues in the divorce. The mediator must be well trained and be competent in the area of family law.
You should consult with a divorce lawyer before and after the mediation to be properly advised on negotiation of the issues and on whether the final result is a comprehensive solution.
You may need guidance in selecting an attorney. Your union, company corporate attorney or human resource department may be a source of names. The lawyer should be practicing primarily, if not exclusively, in the area of family law (the area has become too complicated to be effectively handled by the generalist).
The lawyer should have the most current research software and resources available within the office. Competence, comfort and convenience are three primary considerations in selecting the attorney. Evaluate whether the attorney has a plan which will properly allocate resources to achieve realistic and wise goals.
You should be cognizant of the importance of limiting conversation with the attorney to the nuts and bolts and not try to convince the lawyer that the soon to be ex-spouse is a less than admirable human being; that's for a counselor.
It will also save time and resources for an already stretched budget. Also, one should not fear asking another attorney for a second opinion at any point in the process. It is no more improper than having a doctor provide a second opinion on a serious medical condition.
The divorce process is time consuming in even the simplest cases and will make demands upon your schedule. Because the courts and your attorney are probably working the same schedule as you are, it is probable that some absences and interruptions of work will be unavoidable. Court dates, especially, are not optional.
Advise your employer immediately of any court dates, as those occasions may require an absence from work for at least one half day. When you provide documentation regarding income or other employment information, keep in mind that the courts have strict guidelines and time limits.
Promptly providing the necessary information is essential.
Lastly, as an attorney, I remind my clients that the legal process of divorce is basically to divide assets, arrange custody, establish support, and address insurance and debts among other issues.
It is not the last argument or the final revenge. While the attorney can assist a person going through the divorce process on the legal matters, emotional help is more appropriately available from close friends or professional counselors.
The author of this article, Irving Solnik, is arguably the best Toronto divorce lawyer and his firm, the LAW OFFICES OF IRVING SOLNIK PC, has more than five decades experience practicing law.
When you need a tough, experienced divorce lawyer call Irving Solnik at (416) 222-8509 until 10PM evenings and weekends too at no cost or obligation.
DIVORCES CAN BE HORRIFIC BUT THEY NEED NOT BE!
Marriages can be wonderful and divorces are usually horrific dependent on the husband and/or wife. Divorces are best avoided, especially if there are you have kids. However, if there is absolutely no chance of saving your marriage and you have to go through with a divorce, then here are a few tips that can help you out:
1. Lawyers are in the profession to earn a living and obviously to make money. There are good lawyers and there are lawyers who are best avoided. The bad ones prefer divorce cases to drag on to kingdom come and if you hire such a lawyer then you’re in for a long haul at a substantial cost.
So choose your lawyer carefully ask your friends who have gone through a divorce for a recommendation. If you are unable to find a lawyer this way, then you have no other go but to interview a few lawyers and choose the one you consider the best. This approach is recommended.
2. Get your private and financial records into storage where only you have access to them .NOW! Also get a private post box where you can receive private mail.
3. Cancel your credit cards and close all joint accounts you have with your spouse.
4. Change your email address if possible and certainly change your password so that your spouse cant access your private emails.
5. This may sound like a strange and it may be the last thing you want to do but keep some lines of communication open with your spouse.
It may that one day your spouse contacts you and says “hey let’s get this over with quickly and get on with our lives… what do you want to settle quickly?” Additionally small problems can quickly escalate to major problems if everything has to go through a lawyer.
6. If you have kids this can be the hardest part of any divorce. Keep in contact with them and make sure that they know they are not to blame. Let them know that you are always there for them. Don’t use them as pawns to vent your anger reserved for your spouse. Using the children as pawns invariably results in substantial emotional damage that can last a lifetime.
7. The easiest thing to do is to get angry and destroy correspondence from your spouse. STOP! This can be your greatest ally in a court of law. Keep all correspondence no matter how trivial it may seem.
8. Be Nice! Don’t start spreading rumors about your spouse or even slander your spouse to your best friend.
Things have a way of getting back to spouses. If they find out you’ve been saying nasty things and/or spreading lies about each other, even if they are true your spouse will use it against you.
9. Chill! Don’t let your spouse provoke you into being aggressive. If you’re seen to be aggressive you could readily lose your divorce. If your spouse is aggressive towards you stay calm and ignore it.
10. Do you have a support system in your relations and friends? If yes, lean on them for emotional support.
Divorce can be a really horrible affair. There are many experts and much good advice available to you. Use it. Search the internet for advice from people who know what they are talking about. There are several online products that can give you all the advice you need to ensure that you get what you want from the divorce not what your spouse wants to give you.
How Do I Get My ex To Come Back?
The issue at hand is not just a matter of getting your spouse to return. The issue has to begin with why did your spouse leave in the first place? Look inside yourself and examine what role you played in your partner leaving you.
We are emotional creatures. We enjoy being around people who make us feel good when we are around them. Simple things like paying a person a compliment makes them feel good. Laughing at the corny jokes you heard them say before, believe it or not makes them feel good. Those jokes may be corny and repetitive to you, but they can be fresh and funny for someone else.
Secondly, people get together because you have empowered them with importance. We all want to feel needed and wanted in life. Who wants to feel unnecessary?
Who wants to be around someone who makes you feel unnecessary? How does a team mate feel when games are won when the other stays home? Then your spouse begins to question- am I really needed? Now if another team that has been losing tries to recruit him, he may feel like it’s a good idea to move on to the next team. Do you understand?
Thirdly, too often we take our mate for granted. Don’t you like to feel special? When you first met, didn’t you receive special treatment? Were not your little whims catered to? Didn’t you feel special because of this treatment? So did your partner.
You cant stop treating your partner as though they are special because there are too many others willing to treat them anyway they desire.
Its amazing what will make us feel special.
All you have to do is the small things that say I thought about you today. That could be a text message that simply says “Im thinking about you right now? When you go to the store in general pickup something only they like for themselves. It is the little things that say, "I love you." It is the little things that make the biggest impression on our hearts.
After you determine what you did wrong you must create a plan to get your ex back. You need to know what to say or not say so that you can get in there and repair some damage.
Suppose they won’t even answer your phone call. If you want to get your ex back, it is possible, you may need some guidance. You should watch videos, read books on the subject, speak to a marriage counselor to help you plan the steps needed to get your ex to return.
There things that guarantee your lover will return even if they haven’t left physically yet.
Grounds for divorce may be no fault or fault. The Petition for divorce must also be served and delivered to your spouse usually by a process server. Your spouse will have a certain number of days to respond.
There are many issues that will be worked out during the divorce. It depends on your unique situation, but some common themes to be decided are the award of child support, child custody, how property is divided, whether a party is entitled to spousal support and many more issues.
There are two grounds for divorce in Canada, a fault such as adultery and no fault divorce. A no fault divorce just means: “The marriage has become insupportable because of discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation”
So any reason or no reason at all is grounds for divorce. But, there are times when a party may want to allege fault to try and better position your case. These fault grounds are:
Adultery; Abandonment and/or separation whether intentionally or remained apart for at least one year; Living Separate and apart without cohabitating for minimum of one year; and Mental cruelty that prevents you and your spouse from remaining married.
Marriage failures can be attributed to many causes: compatibility, age, maturity, money, career, character and so on and so forth. Having said that, what it really comes down to are the people themselves.
Noteworthy about this is that people who failed in marriage before tend to fail again in future. So if you are to enter a relationship with someone who falls into this category, you might as well do so with your eyes open by running a Marriage License Search.
Both the license and certificate are entered as marriage records into the respective files of the new spouses. They will then be maintained as public records in the area where the marriage has taken place, whichever is the prevailing practice. Being public records, they will be subject to public retrieval and view as long as procedures are complied with and fees are paid.
Since marriages are under the area jurisdiction, they will be no exception. At a basic level, they include name, age, residence, occupation, birth place, time and place of marriage, some particulars of parents, witnesses and the conducting official of the ceremony. A key point fundamental to the purpose of many a marriage record search is previous marriages, if any, will show up.
It is easy and convenient to conduct search marriage records. Data archive and retrieval are mostly computerized. The search is usually fast and generally hassle-free.
Within a very short time we can gather records on marital status, names, places, dates, filing numbers, history, background and so forth. Input requirement is also minimal. As little as a full name and state of residence will suffice to initiate a search.
Having said that, we also know there can be quite a few people with the same name living in the same state. That’s why the more information is input, such as age, date of birth, address and so forth, the more targeted the finding.
Marriage failures can be attributed to many causes: compatibility, age, maturity, money, career, character and so on and so forth. Having said that, what it really comes down to are the people themselves.
Noteworthy about this is that people who failed in marriage before tend to fail again in future. So if you are to enter a relationship with someone who falls into this category, you might as well do so with your eyes open by running a Marriage License Search.
When applying for a license to be married, marriage records of both the prospective husband and wife must be produced as proof of their eligibility. When the new wife is seeking a name change, they are required for substantiation.
This is important as the name change itself is often a prerequisite to a further purpose such as immigration, adoption, joint tax returns, insurance, medical and many other benefits.
I believe that divorce is one of the biggest epidemics in our current society that isn't being recognized or treated as such.
Divorce refers to the dissolution or the legal end of a marriage. Every province has its own legal requirements governing when a divorce may be granted. These legal requirements may include a residency requirement, grounds or a reason for the divorce, among others.
The grounds for divorce may vary from being fault-based and no-fault based. All these requirements vary from state to state. Certain exceptions like 'Irreconcilable Differences' and 'Irretrievable Breakdown' are common no-fault grounds for divorce. Your divorce could be the most important financial decision in life, as well as one of the most nerve wracking. In such a circumstance, the key person who can see you through this is a divorce lawyer.
The divorce lawyer helps you in making extremely important financial and emotional decisions like child custody, property divisions etc. You must choose a lawyer well versed and specializing in Family Law.
You can look for a good lawyer by asking around, consulting your friends, relatives and acquaintances. A divorce lawyer with references will be more helpful than the one who is completely unknown to you and all people around.
When you first meet the lawyer, give all case facts. The fee quoted by the person will be a rough approximate as the amount of legal work involved is not very clear. Usually, they charge by the hour, and a retainer fee as an advance payment may be desired by the lawyer. You are at liberty to interview a few lawyers before choosing one to represent you in court.
Always tell the whole truth to your lawyer or you might end up in trouble, one way or the other.
To be on the safe side, it's a good idea to enquire from the lawyers the following facts:
. The relevant experience he/she has in Family Law and number of years of practice in this field.
. Steps involved in the divorce process as well as expected time frame and legalities involved.
. Filing fee and the fee that any additional legal assistants employed will ask for.
. Inquire about the Retainer Agreement policy of the lawyer/firm.
A good lawyer will answer all queries, and will try to address any concerns that you may have about legal implications or your case in general.
A good divorce lawyer:
· Will always be prepared for all your hearing
· Will know exactly what your expectation from the case is
· Will not be able to win all hearings.
· May not be able to answer your calls 24/7
Once you and your spouse start the proceedings, do not sign any paper for your partner without express knowledge of your divorce lawyer. Litigations and negotiations are little subjective so ask your lawyer about his/her policy in this matter.
A good divorce lawyer is invaluable to your case, so you should choose one carefully. Also, once your case starts, do not change lawyers unless it is absolutely necessary as this may also harm your case.
In case you are looking to change divorce lawyers, make sure that you get all information from the previous divorce lawyer such as who is the judge, necessary papers etc, so a smooth transition is possible. Once you place your trust in a lawyer, do it completely and assist him/her. After all, it is your own life.
Divorce:
Coping With The Family Law Process
Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side." A divorce will introduce you to an entirely new balancing act.
The Effect on Productivity at Work.
You must be conscious of how the divorce process affects your ability to function on your job. There may be occasions when you will feel overwhelmed by a typical day's workload. On such occasions, you may wish to apportion work in terms of what you can handle.
You may at times find yourself uncharacteristically testy and acerbic to friends and colleagues, uncommunicative, depressed, and distracted. You should try to be alert to these personality and mood changes and work with a counselor to solve them.
At times this may involve temporarily modifying project responsibilities or adjusting assignments until you achieve a level of equanimity. On still other days, you may not be able to cope with the workplace or home environment at all, no matter how light the workload.
When this happens, it may be prudent to request a brief personal leave. If your behavior and interaction cannot be altered through temporary changes, you may need to seek professional counseling during this stressful period.
Keep in mind that while going through a divorce you will face numerous demands on your time: meetings with lawyers, accountants and counselors, possibly locating a new residence (and furnishing it) and establishing new lines of credit.
Plan ahead where possible for these contingencies by asking your employer for projects that do not have a tight deadline. Flexible working arrangements, such as job-sharing, or the opportunity to compensate for lost time by working in the evening or on weekends, are other possibilities.
You should not let others treat you as an emotional cripple. You are probably already experiencing feelings of helplessness and an inability to control your life. By being overprotective and shielding you from the daily realities of the workplace or running interference with fellow employees or clients, the employer may only exacerbate those feelings. Work may be the only place you can achieve a sense of self-worth and personal strength during this difficult period.
Some people winding their way through the divorce process may experience fatalistic or, conversely, unreasonably hopeful feelings, and may rely on divorce process myths that further complicate the situation (for example, a belief that the system is entirely gender biased).
Unfortunately, the legal process is not designed to address emotional issues for the participants. Although there are milestones, such as filing the initial documents, there are no true emotional releases.
Even the finalizing of a divorce is a bittersweet experience and is likely to feel like a letdown. No one truly wins in a divorce because the estate is always divided and both individuals have fewer assets than prior to the divorce.
Unfortunately, the legal process is often one of attrition. The time and expense of the legal process often dictates the results as one of the parties can no longer afford the resources or the time to continue to dispute issues.
The many difficult aspects of the legal process often cause frustration and result in increased anger and hurt.
In combination with the plethora of negative emotions which led to the divorce in the first place, one facing a divorce may turn to revenge as a primary motivation and extend the divorce proceeding to hurt the other spouse.
On the other hand, a spouse may prolong the divorce process in the hope that reconciliation might occur.
The Solutions
Mediation may be the best answer. If you and your spouse can still communicate and have some common ground, mediation may be the most economical, efficient, and effective way to resolve the issues in the divorce. The mediator must be well trained and be competent in the area of family law.
You should consult with a divorce lawyer before and after the mediation to be properly advised on negotiation of the issues and on whether the final result is a comprehensive solution.
You may need guidance in selecting an attorney. Your union, company corporate attorney or human resource department may be a source of names. The lawyer should be practicing primarily, if not exclusively, in the area of family law (the area has become too complicated to be effectively handled by the generalist).
The lawyer should have the most current research software and resources available within the office. Competence, comfort and convenience are three primary considerations in selecting the attorney. Evaluate whether the attorney has a plan which will properly allocate resources to achieve realistic and wise goals.
You should be cognizant of the importance of limiting conversation with the attorney to the nuts and bolts and not try to convince the lawyer that the soon to be ex-spouse is a less than admirable human being; that's for a counselor. It will also save time and resources for an already stretched budget.
Also, one should not fear asking another attorney for a second opinion at any point in the process. It is no more improper than having a doctor provide a second opinion on a serious medical condition.
The divorce process is time consuming in even the simplest cases and will make demands upon your schedule. Because the courts and your attorney are probably working the same schedule as you are, it is probable that some absences and interruptions of work will be unavoidable. Court dates, especially, are not optional.
Advise your employer immediately of any court dates, as those occasions may require an absence from work for at least one half day. When you provide documentation regarding income or other employment information, keep in mind that the courts have strict guidelines and time limits. Promptly providing the necessary information is essential.
Lastly, as an attorney, I remind my clients that the legal process of divorce is basically to divide assets, arrange custody, establish support, and address insurance and debts among other issues. It is not the last argument or the final revenge.
While the attorney can assist a person going through the divorce process on the legal matters, emotional help is more appropriately available from close friends or professional counselors.
The author of this article, Irving Solnik, is arguably the best Toronto divorce lawyer and his firm, the LAW OFFICES OF IRVING SOLNIK PC, has more than five decades experience practicing law.
When you need a tough, experienced divorce lawyer call Irving Solnik at (800)-557-0678 toll free or (416) 222-8509 until 10PM evenings and weekends too at no cost or obligation.
To learn more about him read the contents of his website by clicking on link below or copying and pasting it into the address bar of your browser websites:
http://www.irvingsolnik.com/ and
http://www.irvingsolnikdivorce.com/
You can also search the internet for: "irving solnik lawyer" without the parenteses.
He is an author, writer, practicing lawyer and arguably the best lawyer in Toronto. Dont wait! Call Irving Solnik today!
